I think I know why I've been investing into so much frantic angry energy these days as of late: I'm avoiding the deepest level of my humanity, and that is my impermanence, that is my death, that is coming. It's my human hurt, the one that is so afraid of all the things that I don't know. I'm only here for a short bit and my investment in the daily takes me from the weight of that reality. I'm just a little big voice afraid of not being heard, of not meaning anything, of being just another one of billions, of being one little life, one organism that will cease, whose heart will stop beating. I'm so afraid of not meaning something great that I distract myself from meaning anything at all. I'm afraid to face the realness of my heart, the heart of a child, that was one day untainted and special, but the longer I lived the longer I looked away and complicated my intention with other peoples' layers and words and meanings. I am on days quite lost and mixed up and without the art or articulation that could someday take all that I am and let it into someone else's heart. So please lord, so please friend, so please stranger, if you hear me... let me know, because it may be the only thing worth hearing. If I can touch you and you can relate, than we can go through this thing together, and the loneliness of a moment doesn't have to live a lifetime.
